If I’m being honest, I have been putting off updating this blog for the past few weeks.
Last summer when I started collecting school supplies to send back to the orphanage in Liberia, it was my dream to take them to the kids myself, but honestly, that was all it was - a dream. I hoped and prayed that God would allow me to to return and take the supplies to the kids, but I guess I never really expected Him to make anything out of it.
When my desire to go back had been expressed and we (being my family and I) started to explore the possibility of returning, there was a lot of “ifs”, “maybes”, and conditions put on going back. My head whirled and spun with all the planning and details that needed to be worked out - and anyone who knows me well knows I tend to get overwhelmed a little too easily (okay... maybe way too easily...). But I was encouraged to keep taking baby steps, working out one thing at a time. And so we did! Now, I would be lying if I said I didn’t still have my “freak out” moments along the way, but The Lord has blessed me by putting exactly the right people in my path at exactly the right times to talk some Peace and sense into me. So, much like last summer, this year’s journey to return to Liberia required being diligent to take small steps and follow His lead in His timing (which, by the way, is never too early and never too late).
My biggest fear throughout this past year has been that this whole trip is my trip rather than God’s trip, and to be honest, that fear has only amplified in these past weeks. As plans are becoming more complete and concrete and things are becoming more and more real, I have been struggling with many doubts.
“What if this really isn’t where God wants me this summer?”
“What if He would rather have me serving somewhere else but I’m too stubborn to listen?”
“What if I’m asking all these people to pray, and collecting all this money when The Lord is telling me not to go?”
“Would it be more beneficial to those I’m trying to bless in Africa if I just sent over money rather than go myself?”
Let me stop here, because honestly, I could go on for hours. Yet through the cloud of doubts, God has made Himself very clear in His ways of encouraging me to keep going forward. Here are just a few of the things that have served to keep me grounded and to remind me of how Big our God:
- God is not a God of confusion (1 Corinthians 14:33). Any confusion I am having about this trip is planted by our enemy.
- I need to stop worrying about what I don’t know (aka: details, plans, etc.) and be faithful to focus and concentrate on what I do know. I was called, specifically this summer, to go and to serve in the ways I know how. Every time I am diligent to focus on what I know, rather than worry about what I don’t know, I am filled, covered, and overflowing with both peace and Peace.
- “Failure rarely stops people. Fear of failure does.” Yep.
- I was given something to work with, so I need to be faithful and start working now. I can’t wait for my situation to utopianize. If I do, I will never start.
- http://www.noordinarylove.org/reflections/2013/05/03/freedom-helping-others - Ummm, I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m pretty sure this person was writing directly to me. The Holy Spirit must have overtaken this bloggers keyboard because this might as well have been hand delivered to me with my name on it!
I also would be lying if I said even after all these things the Lord spoken to me that I am still not occasionally overtaken with doubts, but in a strange way I believe that, in itself, is a sign that The Lord is in this whole trip (or rather, that this is His trip) because why else would satan try so hard to destroy it?
If you are reading this, I am asking that you please commit to praying for this trip with me. There is something that The Lord wants to do with this trip and it needs to be showered with prayer.
Specifically, please pray:
- This always remains His trip.
- That my heart and mind would remain in constant, clear communication with Him, and that His desires will always be my desires.
- He would be the only One seen through our workings.
- That satan’s schemes would never stop us from accomplishing what God has willed.
